Cookie-Gate

Jack Adams Investigates the Great Girl Scout Cookie Shortage of 2022.

Anyone who knows me, knows I do not get excited about much. “You got a new pair of vans.” Meh. “We’re going to Casa Nostra tonight for dinner.” Alright, I guess. 

But there is one item that gets me excited more than anything: Girl Scout cookies. Caramel, Lemonades, Dosidoes, Lemonups, Shortbreads, Savannah Smiles- I’m a connoisseur. This year, however, there was something fresh that caught my eye…a new cookie, supposedly greater than the rest: Adventurefuls. 

Although not particularly creative in their naming, Adventurefuls are reported to be “An indulgent brownie-inspired cookie with caramel-flavored crème and a hint of sea salt.” Of course, I just had to get my hands on a box and join others on a maiden tasting voyage. There was just one problem. During Covid, the traditional Girl Scout trade has almost ceased to exist, leaving me with the question, “Where can I get these Girl Scout cookies?”

To be as committed a cookie scavenger as I am, you need to know where to shop. Luckily, I have the Pacific Palisades on lock. I knew that the Girl Scouts would be selling their cookies at Ralphs, Vons, and occasionally the cleaners (god knows why they are at the cleaners.) So I checked all their usual spots. 1:00 pm at Ralphs: Not there. 2:00 pm at the Cleaners: Absent. They had to be at Vons. But they weren’t. Was I missing something? Had the Girl Scouts boycotted the Palisades? Desperate, I ran to Smart and Final in Culver City, another Girl Scout hotspot but as with the others, not a Scout in sight. As you all know, I’m not a guy to get frustrated. I’m generally very calm and agreeable, but at this point, I needed to know what the hell was going on. 

I began my research. It only took me a couple of clicks on the computer for me to find what I was looking for. “Doordash, partnering with Girl Scouts to deliver cookies.” Boom. So I went on Doordash, entered my account number, clicked on the dessert feature, and researched away. I went down the list; Baskin Robbins, Cold Stone, Blueys (Yeah, that’s right. Blueys with their ten-dollar muffin is a dessert place apparently.) But no Girl Scout cookies. I was dumbfounded. How could this be? 

Just a few days later, news broke that Doordash’s deal with the Girl Scouts fell through. Good Heavens! Now, what? 

I had hit a roadblock. I needed to get inside the organization to figure out what was going on. Time was scarce and I needed to get my hands on a box of Adventurefuls before they ran out for the rest of the season. Unfortunately, due to the Adams family’s distrust of Girl Scouts ever since my grandmother was kicked out for violating a clearly communicated code of ethics, I had none in my family. Except, wait. There was one person I could turn to: The Jaguardian’s very own, Isabella Carbonari. 

Now Bella and I go all the way back to Speech and Debate class sophomore year, but she never mentioned that she was a Girl Scout. Let’s just say she’s not my biggest fan but in the true spirit of a Girl Scout, she was willing to help. Bella has been a member of Girl Scouts since first grade and she was ready to blow the lid off of how their cookie trade operates. 

The process is as follows: the Girl Scout leader receives the number of orders that her troop has gotten. Then, that same leader heads to the distribution center to pick up the cookies. Yes, I too thought that the actual Girl Scouts made the cookies, but Bella explained to me that’s not how it works. After the pickup, the cookies are sent to the troops for immediate sale and delivery. But there’s been a problem, Carbonari explains,  “The Adventurefuls…there are just a certain number of them. We’re running out. You need to have connections in order to get them.” Connections? Oh boy. 

It looked like I needed someone high up in the organization, so I knew I had to cast a wide net. Town Hall was the perfect venue. Just minutes after I finished my school-wide request for Girl Scouts, I received an email. It was Elisa Schultz, New Roads School’s Spectrum program director. 

Schultz had some information she wanted to share, so I met with her just before school began. 

Under the cover of dawn, secluded in the back of the parking lot, Schultz proceeded to explain the great Girl Scout cookie shortage of 2022.  You see, before Schultz became a Girl Scout troop leader, she was just a Girl Scout herself, as was her mother, and her mother before that. It is certainly possible that Schultz was the first member of her own family troop to face such a dramatic cookie shortage. And under the journalistic probing of A Lil’ Jack on the Side, she spilled the beans. 

“Distribution is down,” Schultz said. “Only 9% of the cookies are Adventurefuls and they are almost all sold out already.” Schultz explained that supply chain issues have hit the Girl Scouts hard and that almost all of the Girl Scout cookies, whether they be Dosidoes, Adventurefuls, or any other delicious flavor would likely be sold out in a matter of days. 

“The supply just cannot meet the demand. It is kind of a disaster.” I appreciated Schultz’s honesty, but I was working on a deadline. This was my chance. I couldn’t just go home empty-handed after all that progress. If Schultz didn’t have them, there was no way I could get them. So I asked point-blank. “Any chance you could get me a box?” A pause. She agreed. “You can pick them up in my office.” Finally, a breakthrough.

I waited for the next week in hopeful anticipation. Could this be the day that Jack Adams actually experienced some success? Monday arrived and, just as Schultz promised, she gifted me a box of Adventurefuls, for free. After a quick photo-op, I ran back to Jaguardian headquarters. The long wait was over. Countless hours of work had led to this moment. I unwrapped the box. I took a bite. 

Eh, I’ll stick with the Lemonades.