By Claire Demoff '26 and Bodhi Milano '26 Symptoms include long stretches of illness, stomach aches, and headaches– careful, this ruthless virus is on the hunt BREAKING UPDATE: SENIORITIS HAS STARTED SPREADING TO UNDERCLASSMEN AS WELL. SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND NO KNOWN CURE, OTHER THAN EARLY PREVENTION. ONCE YOU’VE GOT IT, THERE IS NO GOING BACK.  As senior year rolls around, many 12th graders (if not all of them, rare is the breed who fends off this persistent disease), fall pr

The very same people who were once dominating TikTok for-you pages with their ‘cutecore Animal Crossing islands’ have now become fascist figureheads, a trend that experts cite as both common and inevitable. 2020: a time marked by isolation, tragedy, and most universally experienced of all, boredom . With nowhere to go and most non-essential face-to-face interaction being discouraged, much of the nation found itself in an odd position. With these constraints in mind, some bega

After numerous failures from the Trump Administration to help out the common folk, Americans need a real dictator who can truly represent the people of America: only one man can fill those shoes… As we enter the second half of Trump’s term, we are observing an America that has fallen into disarray. As we look at the partisan divide, a war with Iran, and crushing tariffs that are destroying the American consumer, Americans deserve a real  change; a new dictator.  If we are gon

Watch out for these 10 warning signs… trust me, I would know. Now, the main talk of the town (the internet) is all about the male manipulator and what makes someone one. Like if a guy tells you his favorite film is Fight Club or Donnie Darko, then you should run. Or if he listens to Radiohead or some other whiny guys in a band. But honestly, what I believe we fail to address as a society is what to look out for in a female manipulator. Because they exist, they are vicious, an

A junior tries his hand at turning Newroads school towards a capitalist utopia with his new ideology. Frustrated with the lack of capitalism at New Roads, junior Philip Nazzal has begun preaching his new ideology in an attempt to turn the school into a capitalist utopia. He calls his new ideology “Philipism” and seeks to create a “Pro-Capitalist Commune”, a place where money-making is prized above all else. Under this new ideology, followers can’t give anything away for free,

The Trump Administration has informed the media of a new construction initiative within the historic halls of the White House. Reportedly, demolition and design work have already begun as part of a long-term project to create a personal entertainment complex for the Vice President's personal use.  In a new initiative aimed at maximizing government efficiency, the White House announced on Saturday that an "inconsequential portion” of the East Wing will be remodeled and partial

By Arden Bevilacqua ‘29 and Kyleigh Butler ‘29 Born between 2010 and 2024, Gen Alpha is the largest generation in history, and the least understood.  Generation Alpha is the first generation to grow up completely immersed in the internet.  Many adults, and even Gen Z, call them a “confused generation.” Unlike most, Gen Alpha's earliest memories are iPads, smart watches, and generally online.  Most experts agree that Gen Alpha's online habits have shaped them into the dysregul

The story behind the once extremely popular dating app for twins. Genius Stanford dropout Jack Dorfman was unemployed and living in his mom’s basement. When Jack and his MIT dropout friend Leo La Kolahi met to play Genshin Impact, they realized a gap in the market. Twins have no dating app experience.  Dorfman used his Stanford engineering skills and Kolahi’s MIT computer science skills to begin creating their patent. Thousands of twins were interviewed to create a perfect an

The story of a man completely demoralized by his digital “coach”. At 3:20pm on a beautiful sunny Monday (that already felt discouraging because it meant that another week of work was beginning) local sales assistant Jose Walden received a notification from his fitness app 10k Step that would change the course of his afternoon.  “Still sitting?” his app asked. Walden felt that the “question mark was doing a lot of emotional damage.” Sources say that Walden stood up to assert d

Does it seem like more and more of your classmates are drinking coconut water and bringing bananas to class? They are taking part in a lifestyle called “Potassium-Maxxing” — and you should too. Below are five reasons why increasing your potassium intake will heavily benefit your daily life.  Better than Celcius Have you ever considered maybe you're not really sleep deprived, maybe you're just lacking some good ol’ potassium? An electrolyte deficiency can lead you to feel fati

These tips have a 100% success rate. New Roads School is showing an all-time low of romantic relationships on campus. The reasons for this are unknown, but the solution is right here on The Jaguardian . These tips are bound to help your sad single life. And if they don't, sorry to say, you're a lost cause.  Tip One:  In hopes you are reading this with a girl in mind, we are going to get right into it. The brain has many emotional counterparts, so why not use them to our advan

Born to famous director J.J. Abrams, 23-year-old Singer/Songwriter, Gracie Abrams has been involved in the music industry since her life began, and is now gearing up to headline for Taylor Swift. In 2020, Abrams released her first EP, Minor . Due to lockdown, and the inability to tour, Abrams performed a series of bedroom shows via Zoom, which gave her the ability to dip her toes into touring.  These bedroom shows were a way for her to not only grow her platform, but to give

Youth & Government delegates step into the role of lawmakers during Sacramento conference. This past weekend, Sacramento looked a little different. Instead of elected officials filling meeting rooms and debating bills, the California State Capitol was crowded with teenagers in fancy suits and name badges, hustling across the crowded hallways carrying folders and practicing speeches. At the Youth & Government Model Legislature & Court Conference, students from all across Calif

Every year, people joke that they are only watching the Super Bowl for the halftime show. But how did it come to be, and does it really live up to the hype ? By the time halftime rolled around at Super Bowl LX, most viewers were looking for anything with life to compensate for the rather boring offensive performances by both teams in the first half. So, by the time Bad Bunny took the stage, it was a welcome relief to some to see the energy pick up. Though not all Super Bowls

"Looksmaxxing" creators claim attraction is objective and biologically determined that echoes historical eugenics and racial hierarchy. In the process, they have revived a familiar logic about inherited worth. On a random TikTok that's come up on your feed or a Kick stream you happen to click on, you may come across a man explaining to you how you can “ascend”. He will describe how to change your bone density and “maximal projection”— obvious  things everyone thinks about whe

Why are so many turning to AI for romantic and social interactions? In recent years, artificial intelligence has been in the spotlight with its hundreds of different functions and applications. It gives easy access to the entire internet with just a question, but research is far beyond the only use of the technology. Recently, many users have either found AI tools specifically built for relationships or turned tools like ChatGPT into tools for socializing.    The very first A

America has had numerous changes to its political ideals ever since the days of Washington. However, are we entering a new era of populist dominance, or is neo-liberalism still the dominating figure in American politics? The reelection of Donald Trump as President of the United States in 2024 was distinctive in that only once before had a President been reelected after losing an election as the incumbent office holder.  With this arguably surprising turn of events, social sci

My story of Mochi's cultural background, or Venice Buddhist Temple Gets Ready for Mochitsuki. Mochi is a traditional Japanese rice cake made from steamed glutinous rice flour. It is a delicious treat beloved by all, but do you know that there is so much more to it than its amazing texture and yummy taste? The Japanese Buddhist community at the Venice Buddhist Temple in Los Angeles has been making their own mochi once a year as part of a New Year's tradition.  Every December,

Australia takes initiative on the issue of social media for minors, striking controversy. On November 28, 2024, Australia’s government passed a law called the Online Safety Amendment (Social Media Minimum Age) Bill 2024. It prohibits minors under 16 from having a social media account — and it raises questions on what social media limitations for minors here in the U.S could look like. The law came into effect on December 10, 2025. It requires social media platforms (such as Y

How gender bias affects diagnosis and treatment, and what people are doing to fix it Despite advances in equality in healthcare, gender bias remains a large issue. This leads to misdiagnosis, unequal treatment, and overlooked symptoms - especially for women and non - binary individuals. However, there is a growing group of researchers and activists who are trying to address this issue, and people are pushing for a brighter future where medical care is truly equal and fair.  G