The Absolute Fever Dream That is Norse Mythology

Find out what happens when you give a bunch of Vikings access to a few scrolls of paper, some ink, and an ungodly amount of alcohol. 

January through early February tends to be a rough time for us all, with seasonal depression in full swing and an overall lack of things to occupy one’s time. When it’s far too cold to be outdoors, and we’re instead confined to our rooms, mindlessly rotting away in bed, what much is there to do?

As I was doing so myself, by some odd chance, I happened to stumble across a podcast. This podcast, titled Norse Mythology: The Unofficial Guide, seemed interesting enough at first glance, and while I myself had never held much interest in the subject, I didn’t have much else on my plate. So, with that, I began listening. And holy s**t, is it insane. 

One that seemed to wholly catch me off guard the most had to be the Norse myth of creation, something almost all religions have in common. The way it’s told, at the very beginning of the world, there is seemingly nothing, besides a gaping void by the name of Ginnungagap. In the far North, this void was bordered by Niflheim, with Muspelheim far to the south. It is said that where both ice from one and fire from the other met, this is where the very first drop of water formed.  

The first being to ever exist was a giant by the name of Ymir. Ymir was the father of a six-headed son, nourished by a Primordial Cosmic Super-Cow (yes, you heard that right,) by the name of Audumla. Now, Audulma quite fancied herself some salt, so much so in fact that eventually, a salt block that she often found herself feeding on took the shape of a man, licked into existence, who was regarded as the first primeval god, Buri, father of Bor. Bor then married a giantess by the name of Bestla, and the two became the parents to the first Aesir gods, Odin, Vili, and Ve. 

Ymir being slain by the gods (Photograph: Franz Stassen)

Now, the real trouble began when Ymir began to grow far crueler. The larger he grew, the more evil he became, causing the three gods to eventually devise a plan, one that would result in the great Primeval giant being slayed. And, you may ask, what does any of this have to do with the myth of creation, the evolution of the world? Well, thing is, the Aesir gods needed a way to dispose of Ymir’s remains, because having a larger than life rotting body in your front yard isn’t exactly pleasant. 

This is where the world came in, or, well, the nine worlds, as stated by the poetry in which this religion is based, considering nine tends to be a number that is oft repeated in Norse mythology. Firstly, the body of Ymir was placed over the void that was Ginnungagap. His flesh became the Earth, his blood the Sea. His skull was held up by four maggots-turned-dwarves, Nordi, Sudri, Austri, and Vestri, and was used to create the heavens. Lastly, Ymir’s eyebrows were used to create the very land that humans were to walk upon, a place called Midgard…guess he had a pretty killer lash tech?

So, surely that’s where the madness ends, right? That’s what I figured too… until I realized that was only episode one of thirty plus, all dedicated to strange myths such as these. 

Norse god Loki, as depicted on an 18th-century Icelandic manuscript.

When talking about odd and obscure Norse myths, there is of course one that we absolutely cannot ignore. The subject of this, a common one in some of the most bizarre myths, is Norse god Loki, God of mischief, trickery, and deception. While far from his modern day “tumblr sexy boy” Marvel rendition, he isn’t any less unhinged. In this particular myth, when attempting to catch Svaðilfari, the remarkably fast stallion, by request of other gods, Loki takes the form of a similar female horse in order to provide a distraction for his brothers. However, he proves to be unable to outrun Svaðilfari, and ends up carrying the stallion’s child, whom he later gives birth to. An eight legged horse by the name of Sleipnir, whom Loki then gifted to his brother. What a gift.

It’s safe to say that Norse mythology may be one of the wildest things to base a religion off of as a whole, especially for its time. If this on its own isn’t enough to get you interested in this selection of wonderfully delirious tales, I don’t know what will be.