Fitness App Sends Passive-Aggressive Notification: “Still Sitting?”

The story of a man completely demoralized by his digital “coach”.

At 3:20pm on a beautiful sunny Monday (that already felt discouraging because it meant that another week of work was beginning) local sales assistant Jose Walden received a notification from his fitness app 10k Step that would change the course of his afternoon. 

“Still sitting?” his app asked. Walden felt that the “question mark was doing a lot of emotional damage.” Sources say that Walden stood up to assert dominance but there was no response from 10k Step. Walden was not sure if the app had stopped working — or had simply given up on him. 

Maybe if he had not been sitting down for the past two weeks binge watching Shameless, he wouldn't be as rattled by this message. But unfortunately, that was the case and Walden was terribly upset.

Image via Getty Images

Walden decided to move on with his day and try to ignore the mortifying notification that called him out. As he picked up his snack of choice — potato chips — to spend the next six hours on his couch, his phone dinged. With his potato chip stained fingers, he grabbed his phone and sat while he read out the notification. 

“How is that couch treating you?” In absolute disbelief, Walden’s jaw dropped to the floor. He could only spend the night in complete denial crying into his soft pillow.

Waking up with new conviction, Walden decided that he will not let this app’s horrible messages affect his mood any longer. Walden picked up his keys (which were beginning to feel quite heavy) and stumbled to his car — it was time to go to the grocery store. Upon parking, he received another notification. From 10k Step: “Congratulations on achieving .001% of your daily goal!” Walden immediately looked in his rearview mirror in disbelief. All he could do was drive home. 

As he hit the gas, he noticed a billboard of an attorney: Bradley Davis. The billboard questioned, “Have you been wronged in the last 30 days? We will help you get justice.” Walden decided that this would be his chance to get justice for his terrible experience with 10k Step. 

Walden got home and immediately dialed the attorney’s number. The phone rang twice. A tired voice answered him, “This is Bradley Davis’s office, how can we help you?’’ He told him of his plight: “I am Walden and I have been getting harassed by a fitness app.” Davis prompted him to clarify. “Well so you see,” Walden said, “it all began last week when I decided to begin taking my healthcare journey seriously. So, I downloaded a fitness app that all the young people have been using.”

Walden explained the previous afternoon’s events, telling Davis that “it all went downhill from there.”  

“Every time I try to sit and relax after a long day at work, I get a message from 10k Step shaming me!” Walden told him how he felt harassed and how “never in my life has someone chased me to workout like this 10k Step app. I need it to stop now!”

Davis listened carefully to Walden and informed him that they were ”happy” to help him, for only a mere deposit of $10,000 and an hourly payment of $1000. 

Walden nearly collapsed when he heard this. He couldn’t possibly afford this attorney. He contemplated the decision day and night for a week straight.

After eight days, Walden determined that the best course of action, rather than a lawsuit, might be to take the app’s advice every now and then.