By Claire Demoff '26 and Bodhi Milano '26 Symptoms include long stretches of illness, stomach aches, and headaches– careful, this ruthless virus is on the hunt BREAKING UPDATE: SENIORITIS HAS STARTED SPREADING TO UNDERCLASSMEN AS WELL. SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND NO KNOWN CURE, OTHER THAN EARLY PREVENTION. ONCE YOU’VE GOT IT, THERE IS NO GOING BACK. As senior year rolls around, many 12th graders (if not all of them, rare is the breed who fends off this persistent disease), fall pr

The very same people who were once dominating TikTok for-you pages with their ‘cutecore Animal Crossing islands’ have now become fascist figureheads, a trend that experts cite as both common and inevitable. 2020: a time marked by isolation, tragedy, and most universally experienced of all, boredom. With nowhere to go and most non-essential face-to-face interaction being discouraged, much of the nation found itself in an odd position. With these constraints in mind, some began

After numerous failures from the Trump Administration to help out the common folk, Americans need a real dictator who can truly represent the people of America: only one man can fill those shoes… As we enter the second half of Trump’s term, we are observing an America that has fallen into disarray. As we look at the partisan divide, a war with Iran, and crushing tariffs that are destroying the American consumer, Americans deserve a real change; a new dictator. If we are gonn

Watch out for these 10 warning signs… trust me, I would know. Now, the main talk of the town (the internet) is all about the male manipulator and what makes someone one. Like if a guy tells you his favorite film is Fight Club or Donnie Darko, then you should run. Or if he listens to Radiohead or some other whiny guys in a band. But honestly, what I believe we fail to address as a society is what to look out for in a female manipulator. Because they exist, they are vicious, an

The Trump Administration has informed the media of a new construction initiative within the historic halls of the White House. Reportedly, demolition and design work have already begun as part of a long-term project to create a personal entertainment complex for the Vice President's personal use. In a new initiative aimed at maximizing government efficiency, the White House announced on Saturday that an "inconsequential portion” of the East Wing will be remodeled and partial

The story of a man completely demoralized by his digital “coach”. At 3:20pm on a beautiful sunny Monday (that already felt discouraging because it meant that another week of work was beginning) local sales assistant Jose Walden received a notification from his fitness app 10k Step that would change the course of his afternoon. “Still sitting?” his app asked. Walden felt that the “question mark was doing a lot of emotional damage.” Sources say that Walden stood up to assert d