How To Get a Girl at New Roads

These tips have a 100% success rate.

New Roads School is showing an all-time low of romantic relationships on campus. The reasons for this are unknown, but the solution is right here on The Jaguardian. These tips are bound to help your sad single life. And if they don't, sorry to say, you're a lost cause. 

Tip One: In hopes you are reading this with a girl in mind, we are going to get right into it. The brain has many emotional counterparts, so why not use them to our advantage? Ever heard of the Flo app? A girl's emotions are strongly affected by her menstrual cycle. Take this opportunity to know her mental capacity. 

Tip two: Ever heard of pheromone perfume? This one has gotttt to get her. We are challenging one of her five senses. Scent. TikTok Shop is the place for you. Order some of this, and dab a little on your wrists and neck every day. She will come running. Studies show that this will chemically react with her brain. 

Tip three: I know with these other tips in motion, you are already on her mind. Let's start by sharing our first words with her through Instagram notes. It's a cute way of communicating, a new generation way of writing a love letter. Trust me, from experience, this has worked. 

Tip four: If she says she doesn't want to go out with you, she is just playing hard to get. No means try even harder, she IS into you. Don't give up!!! Those rejection words are not discouragement; this is your way in. She wants you. She just may be a little nervous. 

Tip five: Eye contact has been shown to keep you on her mind. The connection through the eyes is the most romantic thing I could think of. Playing eye tag during town hall is the way to her heart. Stare deep into her eyes through the crowds of people. Make her feel special, wanted,  and without saying a word. She. Is. Yours. 

Tip six: Let's start strong. The future is very important. If she sees that you are well organized and planned out, she will want you. Why not go big? Plan the big day. Your wedding!!! She will be over the moon knowing you are already thinking about the future. Make her a cute Pinterest board, or add ideas to a shared notes app. It's perfect. A perfect day, for the perfect girl. How could this go wrong?... 

Tip seven: At New Roads, we have been blessed with the most romantic spots. Let me put you on. Jenga. With the breeze in your hair and the sun shining right on you, how could there be any other perfect date spot? To ask her to be your girlfriend, to ask her to prom, to ask her to marry you… 

Tip eight: In the case that she is unresponsive, this tip is my best yet. (Saving the best for last) Myroads has everything you need. Her address, parents' names, phone numbers, etc. Just like the movies, go to her house and climb through her window. Don't worry, it's not breaking in. It's a cute surprise! If she didn't want you then, she will now.