Parenting While Over-the-Hill

They’re long in the tooth, but not short on love. 

There are parts of a person’s identity that can take quite a while to figure out. One such aspect is the age of someone’s parents. 

While parents are, on average, 28 years older than their first child in the US, there are many Americans who choose to wait until they are in their forties or even fifties before becoming parents. This is the case for some New Roads parents, and it is key to understanding the experiences of their children.   

“When I was in 4th grade, my friends were talking about their parents and then they were talking about their grandparents and I realized that their grandparents were much closer in age to my parents,” says Sophomore Niko Valdez Cisneros whose father is 62. 

With a father who is about to turn 70, I can relate to Valdez Cisneros as grandparents are, on average, 50 years their first grandchild’s senior. And, since people usually see their grandparents as the standard for what is considered elderly, if one’s grandparents are around the age of some people’s parents, then people like Valdez Cisneros might be reminded that their parents are elderly more often than not.

Others have similar stories of realizing that their parents are older than most. “I was at school and people would say ‘my dad is 35 and my mom is 36.’ And I’m sitting there realizing that my parents are a little older than average. As an insecure kid, you’re just trying to fit in. Through the years, I have realized that I am grateful that my parents support me and their age does not make a difference,” says Freshman Christine Touma whose father is 70.

This is just one of the differences that comes with advanced age. “There is tons and tons of complaining about joint pain and back aches. They do not know how to use technology that well and I have to help them,” says Senior Fin Dunn whose parents are in their 60s. 

There may be more aches and pains, and less decades together, but older parents are able to spend more quality time with their children on average. “I see a lot with younger parents that they work a lot and don’t have that much time to spend with their kids. I feel like my parents have much more time for me. They are also able to provide some advice that a younger person with less life experience may not have,” Touma said. 

I most certainly am able to spend more time with my parents than my father did with his mother, who is 20 years his senior. My grandmother worked non-stop, while my parents have some freedom to spend time with me during the weekends and evenings because, having already worked many years, they are now able to have more control over their daily schedules.

As Touma points out, being able to have a wise person who is easily accessible has proven to be a very helpful resource. Their wealth of life experience allows for more opportunities to relate to their children’s hardships. 

Older parents can relay information to their children about adversity that they have faced throughout their lengthy lives. They are not only there for the stressful times, but they are also able to share what brings them joy. “My father showed me old movies and I developed most of my passions from him and his experiences,” Dunn said.

Movies are one thing, but when it comes to music, children can differ in their tastes from their older parents. “It is harder to bond with my dad over pop culture. I like old music, but I also love listening to new artists. When I am out with friends, they blast new music on the radio and their parents sing along with them,” Valdez Cisneros said, emphasizing the musical gap between his father and his friend’s parents.

Most articles on elderly parents are from the perspective of those parents or adults who talk about their experiences as a younger child. Being able to hear from today’s children allows for the ability to comprehend what the youth are going through. At times, it may be frustrating being a child to older parents, but, as Mark Twain said, “age is an issue of mind over matter. It’s just a number. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”