Twinning…Forever!

A sister’s struggle to separate herself from her superior sibling.

“Siblings are the only relatives, and perhaps the only people you’ll ever know, who are with you through the entire arc of your life,”

–Jeffrey Kluger, writer.

Siblings. The good, the bad and the ugly. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother more than anything, but right now, it seems impossible to fathom the fact that I will see him. Every day. For my entire “arc of life.” (Or at least for the rest of my high school years.) So many times, we hear stories of how perfectly siblings get along at school or at home, especially when talking about twins. In the media, twins seem to have a “special connection” or a “partners in crime” relationship. Is this exactly how it plays out? Well…

In short, no.

In a recent parent-teacher conference, with my brother, myself, and both my parents present, things were going relatively well, or so I thought. It was the last conference of the day, and it’s safe to say we were all exhausted. Everything seemed to fade into white noise. Teacher talking about my lack of organization. Teacher talking about my lack of focus. Nothing I hadn’t heard before, and hey, I’m working on it. Teacher moves on to my brother. Teacher talks about how much of an engaged, wonderful and poised student he is. How helpful he is in the classroom (seriously, how many times does someone stay behind to help clean up?) Again, nothing I haven’t heard before. She dives back into general notes about the course curriculum, and before I know it, the conference is over.

Now, these conferences are supposed to be both educational and uplifting for students. They are supposed to show students how to grow and do better. But, the only thing I took away from this conference? Be more like your brother.

The struggle with siblings is often one that leans towards favoritism, intentional or not.

Here’s another example:

You have my brother. My ever-charming, always smiling, always happy, rule-following twin brother. Always ready to lend a hand, always has homework turned in on time (sometimes before the due date), does the extra credit when he has no need to, is on SLC at school, and on holidays or occasions when we have people over, he asks, literally begs my mom to let him clean the kitchen and do the dishes. Yeah. Pretty much the model kid.

And then there is me. While I am by no means bad or disrespectful, I sometimes struggle a bit more in school *cough* with math *cough,* am a bit more pugnacious, and dare I say…rebellious.

You can probably guess who is the parental favorite.

(Photo by Caroline Crain / The Jaguardian)

9th grader Gemma Singer, pictured here with her superior sibling, Ilan.

Of course, having a twin isn’t all bad. It can be really fun. You have a built-in homework help robot, someone to (lovingly) annoy at lunch, and a familiar face in your classroom. I love my brother to death, I really do. However, the thing is, there are so many differences between twins in learning environments, it almost seems cruel to put them in the same class.

Look at my Science conference example again: we are in the same class, and it is safe to say that science is not my strong-suit, while it is his. I know kids in classrooms are often compared because let’s face it: that’s how teachers do things most of the time. However, twins are still carrying all of that stress when they get home.With a twin, there is always some type of unspoken pressure, some type of family competition around who is better at this, who got the higher grade on that, who strived to save humanity from an impending apocalypse this week.

Twins not only get compared by teachers, but by parents as well. It really is a never ending cycle of pressure, stress, and the weight of never feeling good enough. It’s been like this since the fourth grade, as is the case for many other sets of twins. Who’s the smart twin? Who’s the cool one? The funny one? The sporty one? There is always some type of pre-set expectation, and it only gets worse with age, or at least during teenage years. It is the constant feeling that one sibling is better than, or more important, or even more loved by a parent than the other. That, my friends, is soul-crushing.

So, here’s a crazy idea! Stop putting twins in the same classrooms! It would not only improve the ‘quality of education’ for students, contribute to better self-esteem, and lead to a more peaceful homelife, but it would help me get a much-needed post-holiday break from my brother.