By Claire Demoff '26 and Bodhi Milano '26 Symptoms include long stretches of illness, stomach aches, and headaches– careful, this ruthless virus is on the hunt BREAKING UPDATE: SENIORITIS HAS STARTED SPREADING TO UNDERCLASSMEN AS WELL. SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND NO KNOWN CURE, OTHER THAN EARLY PREVENTION. ONCE YOU’VE GOT IT, THERE IS NO GOING BACK.  As senior year rolls around, many 12th graders (if not all of them, rare is the breed who fends off this persistent disease), fall pr

The very same people who were once dominating TikTok for-you pages with their ‘cutecore Animal Crossing islands’ have now become fascist figureheads, a trend that experts cite as both common and inevitable. 2020: a time marked by isolation, tragedy, and most universally experienced of all, boredom . With nowhere to go and most non-essential face-to-face interaction being discouraged, much of the nation found itself in an odd position. With these constraints in mind, some bega

After numerous failures from the Trump Administration to help out the common folk, Americans need a real dictator who can truly represent the people of America: only one man can fill those shoes… As we enter the second half of Trump’s term, we are observing an America that has fallen into disarray. As we look at the partisan divide, a war with Iran, and crushing tariffs that are destroying the American consumer, Americans deserve a real  change; a new dictator.  If we are gon

A junior tries his hand at turning Newroads school towards a capitalist utopia with his new ideology. Frustrated with the lack of capitalism at New Roads, junior Philip Nazzal has begun preaching his new ideology in an attempt to turn the school into a capitalist utopia. He calls his new ideology “Philipism” and seeks to create a “Pro-Capitalist Commune”, a place where money-making is prized above all else. Under this new ideology, followers can’t give anything away for free,

The story behind the once extremely popular dating app for twins. Genius Stanford dropout Jack Dorfman was unemployed and living in his mom’s basement. When Jack and his MIT dropout friend Leo La Kolahi met to play Genshin Impact, they realized a gap in the market. Twins have no dating app experience.  Dorfman used his Stanford engineering skills and Kolahi’s MIT computer science skills to begin creating their patent. Thousands of twins were interviewed to create a perfect an

Does it seem like more and more of your classmates are drinking coconut water and bringing bananas to class? They are taking part in a lifestyle called “Potassium-Maxxing” — and you should too. Below are five reasons why increasing your potassium intake will heavily benefit your daily life.  Better than Celcius Have you ever considered maybe you're not really sleep deprived, maybe you're just lacking some good ol’ potassium? An electrolyte deficiency can lead you to feel fati